


something better and more beautiful

by honeysigh



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Relationship Study, Tarot, based off of yeonbin's predebut date!, my tarot knowledge will be projected onto txt and no one can stop me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27479866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeysigh/pseuds/honeysigh
Summary: “We went to Garosu-gil together and had our tarot cards read.”(Or: Yeonjun and Soobin's predebut date was only the catalyst for something much more.)
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 19
Kudos: 235





	something better and more beautiful

**Author's Note:**

> based on the small tidbits of info that yeonbin gave us about a predebut date they went on together.
> 
> title is not from either of these songs, but i kept these on repeat as i wrote:  
> [three of cups](https://open.spotify.com/track/6fenoNqjmMJbrXKfoIuXr2?si=VnvhyNgsReOlwQkARpqcpw) \- gfriend  
> [man on the moon](https://open.spotify.com/track/6HfVKTa0AA4k49FqXtxd3S?si=KqsBRnimTA6wW_wmhPuIxQ) \- zella day
> 
> wishing soobin the happiest of birthdays!

It took some convincing, but once Soobin was off his bed Yeonjun felt so much triumph it made him laugh, shaking his head when Soobin gave him a glare. “Look at you, standing up for the first time in weeks.”

“We came home from dance practice less than an hour ago, hyung,” Soobin said flatly.

“Yeah, yeah,” Yeonjun said, rolling his eyes. “C’mon, get ready as fast as possible. If I come back to you trying to fall asleep again I _will_ kick your ass.”

Just for good measure, he patted Soobin’s butt, laughing when the older boy scowled at him. 

The philosophy, in his mind, worked like this: you had to use your time wisely in more ways than one. A day spent only practicing and stressing out was a day wasted, especially when practicing was the only thing you were doing in the first place. Yes, improvement of one’s skills was critical for success. Yeonjun was no stranger to that. But _god_ , was it getting to be a bit much.

They’d already been announced for Bighit’s next lineup, and yet the energy in their dorm was more high-tension than ever. Yeonjun was beginning to get sick of it, fed up with the pressure to succeed. So sue him for wanting to get out of their cramped dorm for a bit.

“Hyung finally agreed?” Beomgyu said wryly, like Soobin wasn’t within earshot. He was slipping on his shoes, a jacket thrown haphazardly around his shoulders, and judging from the semi-bleak look in his eyes, he was getting ready to head back to the studio. 

Yeonjun rolled his eyes. “Shut up. I came up with this idea _yesterday_.”

“Correction,” Beomgyu said, lifting a finger as he opened the door and made to leave. “You _told_ me about the idea yesterday. How long you’ve been stewing over it is beyond me. Bye now!”

Taehyun laughed when Yeonjun glared hard at the closed door. “Bastards, the lot of you,” Yeonjun muttered under his breath.

“Don’t insult the kids,” Soobin scolded, though he was stifling a smile. It made Yeonjun’s cheeks burn. “They’re just looking for their fun.”

He was dressed in a simple black hoodie and jeans, tying his sneakers before he stood up. When he smiled at Yeonjun and held an arm out, Yeonjun thought one thing— _oh. This is a date_. “Well? What’s the plan for tonight, hyung?”

For some reason, it would take months—years, perhaps—for him to realize this was only the beginning.

(It’s funny to think about now.

The real beginning to whatever Yeonjun and Soobin sparked long before that one silly date, of course. They were full of friction at first, Yeonjun’s individualistic mindset clashing with Soobin’s odd mixture of idealism and pragmatism. Soobin had looked at Yeonjun that first day, when they got paired up for an evaluation, and said, _Maybe you should be a little more down to earth._

Yeonjun wanted to punch that pretty face of his in, though he gritted his teeth and held himself back. A pretty face ruined would only cause more problems, especially on an evaluation based off of teamwork. But that’s a story for another day.

Yeonjun isn’t someone who dwells on past moments very often. He has his sentimental moments, he knows, but taking the time to sit down and sift through a memory, in his mind, requires a level of energy he'd rather put into something actually useful, like dance practice, or making a mental list of things he needs to improve on—

“That's so silly,” Soobin would say, shaking his head. “Hyung, sometimes looking at the past helps you start moving towards your future, you know?”

Curse the voice in his head that always sounds suspiciously similar to Soobin. But the thing is, Yeonjun is always changing, always growing, always _moving_. The Yeonjun of six months ago probably isn't a good representation of the Yeonjun that exists here and now. Which is growth, in his mind.

So yeah, this isn't something he'd necessarily take the time to dwell on. Except sometimes, there are moments in life so profound—so full of revelation, even if that revelation doesn't happen right then and there—that one must sit down and take apart every moment. Sink into the memory, and come out of it a new person.

So: flashback to a few years ago. The skyline of Seoul was lit up by nightlife, air chilly with the prospect of new opportunities, and Soobin and Yeonjun walked out of their dorms, arms linked together.)

  
  


Here was the thing: Yeonjun didn’t really know or care for tarot. It was Soobin’s idea to go and get their cards read. He brought it up in the middle of dinner at the restaurant, and Yeonjun raised an eyebrow at him.

“What do we need cards for?” He said. By the way Soobin gave him a certain look, he could tell he already sounded haughty. “Listen, I don’t think it’s necessary for me to get cards for a future I’ve already ensured for myself.”

“The world is your playground, huh,” Soobin said dryly. “I don’t know if it would be healthy for us to get readings on the future right now, anyway.” He paused, and then lifted his drink to his lips before he asked, “Did you know they can do relationship readings for you?”

Now Yeonjun was listening. “Hm.”

“Yeah,” Soobin said nonchalantly, but there was a twist to his lips that told Yeonjun he knew exactly where his mind was headed. “Oh, you know. We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“Well,” Yeonjun said awkwardly. Soobin was already starting to laugh. “I never said _no_ , did I?”

“You didn’t,” Soobin agreed. “It’s a yes? You’ll go with me?”

“Fine,” Yeonjun muttered, and Soobin clapped his hands together excitedly. “Can we finish these hamburgers first, though?”

Soobin snorts. “Do you take me for a fool, hyung? Of _course_ we're finishing these hamburgers. They're literally delicious.”

“I truly do think we were made for each other,” Yeonjun sighed. He popped a finger into his mouth, licking up the grease as he watched Soobin's ears turn red slowly under the dim light of the restaurant. “Goddamn, these are so fucking good.”

“Language, hyung,” Soobin said in a faux-tired tone of voice. He looked absolutely ravenous as he ate too, though, so Yeonjun didn't pay him any mind.

It was strange. So much time spent with Soobin, and yet Yeonjun felt like this was the first night in the longest time where he could sit down and talk to Soobin freely—no Yeonjun pressuring himself into spending a couple more hours at practice, and no Soobin stepping up to his leader position. The younger boy wasn't _detached_ , per say—he was always the most open person in the group. Not as easy to read as Beomgyu, perhaps, but heartfelt in his every movement.

But maybe it was the sudden transition from idol hopefuls to idol soon-to-be's that made Yeonjun feel like for a moment, there was a yawning chasm between him and Soobin. It itched at him for a while, even when Soobin would rest his head against Yeonjun's shoulder, waiting for their driver to take them home for a few hours of rest before the day started in all its exhausting glory, all over again.

He wasn't sure why, because talking to Soobin was easy in between bites of dinner. He was almost glad he didn't invite the other members... which made him feel bad as soon as the thought popped into his head, and he grimaced.

Of course, Soobin picked up on it immediately. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” Yeonjun said. Then he paused. “Hey, would you rather we invited the other members, too?”

Soobin considered for a moment. Then he shook his head. “Sometimes it's nice to chill out with just one other person, I think. And there's no one I'd rather spend this time with right now than you.”

“Buttering me up, huh?” Yeonjun laughed, but relief swept through him. “But okay, good to know.”

“Whatever,” Soobin snorted. “I think I'm ready to head out.”

They probably looked like a couple of rebellious high schoolers, sitting in this restaurant so late at night. When Yeonjun looked around, he thought one thing to himself: _memorize this moment, because soon, everyone will know who you are_.

What an odd thing to be grateful for, the act of being invisible. Yeonjun stretched, satisfied as he licked his lips. If he looked back at Soobin at the right time, he would have noticed the way Soobin was staring at him intently.

“Let's get out of here,” Yeonjun said. When he stood up, Soobin followed, and he laughed at their height difference. “Aish. One would think you'd be turning, like, twenty-five in a few days with how tall you are.”

Soobin pouted. “But my baby face...”

Yeonjun shoved one hand into his pocket and used the other one to reach out, pinching Soobin's cheek. The squish went flat, and Soobin rolled his eyes as Yeonjun stretched and rolled the skin between his fingers for a few moments, as if inspecting something important. “Yeah, you've got a baby face,” Yeonjun confirmed for him, and Soobin laughed. “Don't know what I'll do when it leaves. Okay, let's go get our cards read, or whatever superstitious people do these days.”

He walked backwards out of the restaurant as Soobin zipped up his own jacket. He imagined he was holding a camera up, a picture taken right as Soobin got heated and said, “Hyung, it's not _superstition_ —”

For a Friday night in late November, Garosu-gil was fairly empty.

Soobin cast Yeonjun a sidelong glance when he voiced this. “Hyung, I doubt you've ever seen a properly unpopulated place in your life.”

It was true. “City boy, what can I say,” Yeonjun sighed haughtily.

Although there were people walking down the street, there was a specifically quiet atmosphere to it that made Yeonjun feel as though he were sitting in a carefully built bubble, one Soobin was allowed to enter and leave as he so pleased. Of course, his brain screeched to a halt as soon as the thought formed, and he prayed that if Soobin looked at him, he would attribute the red in his cheeks to the cold air of near-winter.

“I've been here a million times, and yet,” he said, just to take his mind off of that strangely mortifying thought, “I don't think I've ever seen a tarot reader around.”

“Pretty sure there are several tarot readers around these parts, and you just haven't looked for them,” Soobin said dryly.

Yeonjun snorted. “Well, duh. D'you think I've been _looking_ for tarot readers when I don't even believe in the craft?”

“Slow down there,” Soobin said, and something in his voice was annoyed.“Hyung, for some, this is their lifeblood. Their calling, much like your calling is the idol industry.” He pauses. “Also, tarot seriously is cool, you know. I dunno much about it, but I suppose the cards can work like a mirror to the self, or something. So sue me for wanting to try it out.”

That was Soobin for you—always willing to give everyone and everything a chance. At least, until he deemed it necessary to step away, but Yeonjun could give him this one thing. “Yeah, yeah,” He sighed. “Okay, fine. Their practice is valid, or whatever.”

“ _Or whatever_ ,” Soobin said mockingly, but when Yeonjun turned to give him an indignant look he was already smiling. Perhaps that was another thing. Soobin never seemed to get truly annoyed at anything Yeonjun said. If he did, he made a point not to show it easily enough for Yeonjun to see.

They walked down the street for a few more moments before Soobin said, “Okay, here we are.”

They were standing just past a streetlamp, and the surrounding stores were closed for the night, so it took Yeonjun's eyes a moment to adjust to the lack of light, but when they did—“ _For the Divine_ ,” he read, squinting. “Wow. Such a simple name.”

“What on earth did you expect?” Soobin laughed.

“I don't know,” Yeonjun sniffed. “Okay, let's just go inside, I'm getting cold. Do you even know if they're open?”

“They are,” Soobin said. Then he reached out and opened the door for Yeonjun to step in first.

The door opened with a tinkle of bells, and Yeonjun's first impression was that it was much more vast than he expected it to be, for some reason. He wasn't exactly sure of what he was expecting in the first place, but an open, modern space that looked somewhat like a small shop was definitely not it.

There were shelves of what Yeonjun presumed to be tarot decks for sale. At the front check-out counter were sets of crystal that glimmered in the low light, and candles were sitting off to the side, next to stacks of books... so essentially everything Yeonjun associated with contemporary witchcraft, but laid out so well that it made Yeonjun more intrigued than anything. He liked the layout, glancing over everything as Soobin stepped in after him.

A young woman stepped out from the back when the door closed, and her eyes lit up when she saw them. “Oh!” She exclaimed. “Is this Soobin-ssi, by any chance?”

When Yeonjun glanced over at him confusedly, Soobin wasn't looking back. “It is,” he said warmly.

“Ah, you're here for your appointment, then,” she said, and approached them with a sweet smile on her face that lowered Yeonjun's guard instantly, even as a secret part of him wondered how the hell Soobin managed to get an _appointment_ for this, of all things. The way he'd brought it up in the restaurant was with all the nonchalance of someone who didn't really care whether the other said yes or no.

It took a moment for Yeonjun to realize Soobin might have been pretending, with how casual he seemed. He was suddenly glad he agreed to go with him, because the mental image of Soobin having to call this place just to say _actually, my friend said he doesn't give a shit about your craft_ was incredibly depressing.

Plus, Yeonjun would never turn down extra time with Soobin anyway, whether it was for something he enjoyed or not. It was a simple truth.

“Let me explain how this will work,” the lady said, after the formalities passed. “You may call me Minseo. Soobin-ssi already called me in advance to ask about what readings are provided, and we've settled on a couple of different, simple ones—a mini session for you, one for him, and one for your relationship with each other. Things you two can use to grow as separate and connected people.”

Yeonjun snuck another glance at Soobin even as he felt his face heat up, only to see that there was already a light blush dusting Soobin's own cheeks. Well then.

“Does this sound okay with you two?” Minseo said, looking between the two of them.

“Yes,” Soobin nodded, and Yeonjun nodded. Minseo clapped her hands together.

“Okay, let's get started, shall we?”

The back room was lit up with candles that cast flickering, golden lights across the room. They shadowed Soobin’s face as he sat down on the stool next to Yeonjun, who sat gingerly, wary as he stared at the table in front of him. There was a mat, and a few crystals, and a deck of cards lying face-down at the center. Minseo sat down across from them. In the candlelight, her eyes flickered. She seemed like a different person as she picked up her deck and said, “Soobin-ssi, would you set your hand on the center of the table?”

Yeonjun scooted out of the way so that Soobin could do just that. He watched as Minseo closed her eyes as she shuffled, and the room was silent as she did… whatever she was doing.

In all honesty, Yeonjun had no idea what to make of it. To him, it just looked like a girl shuffling her cards while his best friend—something more, but nothing less—sat there, waiting for some premonition to come that Yeonjun couldn’t fathom the idea of hearing from a few cards. And yet. And _yet_.

Something about the atmosphere was quietly tense, like they were about to hear something important. Like some deity was going to speak through Minseo’s lips, or something. It confused him and awed him all the same.

“Okay,” Minseo said quietly, and she opened her eyes to look at Soobin. “Let me spread the cards out.”

The way she spread the cards on the table in horseshoe format was one that spoke to years of practice, with how evenly the cards slid. Then she looked at Soobin again and said, “Pick one from each end, and one from the middle.”

Yeonjun watched closely as Soobin did so. He didn’t take his time choosing—it was almost as though his hands were drawn to the cards as he lifted them up from each side. Then he chose the centermost cards and handed them to Minseo, who turned them over and nodded to herself.

“The first card will represent you,” she said as she set it down face up, and Yeonjun leaned in to see _The Lovers_. The second card is _Ace of Cups_ , and she put it down as she added, “the second card is your potential.”

Soobin stared down at it, like he needed extra time to take it all in. Minseo gave a pause before she set down the last card. “This is the card that represents what blocks you.”

“The Moon,” Soobin hummed. 

“If I had to interpret this off the bat, I would say this,” Minseo said. “You are someone who feels like your calling is one of peace-keeping. One of guiding others. The Lovers represents harmony, and it represents peace, but it also tells me that there is a choice you need to make.” Then she pointed at The Moon. “And yet you don’t know what the choice is, I assume.”

“I don’t,” Soobin said softly. 

“The Moon represents a layer of illusion on top of what you see,” Minseo said. “Not that you’re disillusioned, per say… but it seems like you are trying to figure something out on your own.”

She held eye contact with Soobin as she reached out and pulled another card from the pile. She glanced at it briefly and then nodded as she showed them the Two of Cups. “Let things flow, Soobin-ssi. You are not the controlling type, but you may be hard to figure out, and this can cause blocks in the developments of your relationships.” For a brief moment, Yeonjun swore her gaze slid towards him quickly, before looking back. “The Ace of Cups as your potential tells me that you are about to begin a new cycle. The Two of Cups is here to remind you that you have others around you who are willing to support you on this journey.”

“I see,” Soobin said, and he sounded contemplative. “I’ll keep those words in mind.”

“I’ll explain it more after I do Yeonjun-ssi,” Minseo said, and Soobin scooted aside to allow Yeonjun room.

It was the same cycle again. She shuffled while he sat there, wondering what the hell he should’ve been doing. Soaking in some invisible energy? Trying to mentally manipulate which cards fell out? Yeonjun really didn’t know how this shit worked, and it set him on edge.

Because Soobin’s mini-reading was strangely accurate, by the way his friend’s eyes were closed as he thought, paying Yeonjun and Minseo no mind. Yeonjun wasn’t sure of what to make of any of it.

“I’ll spread the cards now,” Minseo said, and again it was like magic, how easily they fell out onto the table. 

Yeonjun held his breath as he reached out and tried to let his hand guide him to a card on each side. The backs of the cards all had the same art, so it wasn’t like he could distinguish between them, anyway. He closed his eyes and chose.

“The Emperor reversed for who you are,” she hummed. “Eight of Wands for your potential, and The Magician reversed for what blocks you.” She paused, tilting her head to the side. “You both chose Major cards for the first and last, and Minor for the middle. Interesting.” 

“What does that mean?” Yeonjun asked.

“Just a coincidence, perhaps,” Minseo said. “Although I don’t necessarily believe in coincidences.”

Then she looked between Yeonjun and Soobin with a raised eyebrow before she looked back at the cards, and Yeonjun tried not to shiver.

“The Emperor reversed represents someone without a foundation,” she started, and already Yeonjun felt his skin crawl with something he couldn’t quite place. “It’s like—a lack of confidence. A lack of balance. And because you’re someone who is always moving,” she continued, pointing at the Eight of Wands. The art on the card was strange—eight huge branches flying through the air as a man ran in front of them. “Because you’re someone who is always moving, you feel like this foundation will never settle.” 

She pointed at The Magician reversed, which was upside-down. “The Magician reversed represents someone who feels like a fake.”

Yeonjun stared at her blankly.

Her words were simple. She said them… not devoid of emotion, but with a layer of pragmatism that made him feel as though she were reaching deep inside him and pulling out the pieces of himself that he’d been carefully burying ever since their lineup was announced. And through it all, he sensed Soobin’s presence like something palpable next to him. The side of his face burned with the weight of Soobin’s gaze. It set something low in his chest, thrumming with anxiety.

“A fake… a classic show of imposter syndrome, is what this card tells me, especially next to The Emperor,” Minseo said contemplatively, as though she was talking as she interpreted. “This is another illusion card, much like The Moon for Soobin-ssi. However, The Magician in reverse position deals with the self.” She met his gaze again. “The whole philosophy that we are simply what we show others, and that something much darker lies underneath our facade, is one that haunts your every waking moment.”

It felt like something was crawling its way up his throat. “You don’t know that.”

“You’re right,” Minseo agreed easily. “I don’t know that. I don’t know _you_.” And then she pulled out another card, and Yeonjun managed to tear his gaze away from her to stare at the King of Swords. “But you know yourself, and you know your potential. You want control over your emotions. You want to be known for your intellectualism. Your ability to lead—” and here, she pulled out another card. This one read _The High Priestess_. A woman with her face half-covered sat on a chair, eyes downcast. A crescent moon hung behind her. “And your ability to follow your intuition, and therefore follow your dreams.”

Then she set all of the cards down next to each other. “Yeonjun-ssi, I would like you to understand that pulling seemingly negative cards is not spirit’s death sentence for you. Clearly, you have the ability to upright both The Magician and The Emperor. It just depends on the work you’re willing to put in.”

“I know that,” Yeonjun muttered, fidgeting.

“Do you?” Minseo asked. “I would hope so. But it seems like you and Soobin-ssi… are very, very different people.”

She picked another card up. “The relationship.” Yeonjun stared at _Death_ , and when he glanced at Soobin, his friend looked just as stricken by the sight of a skeleton on a horse, as the sun rose behind it. “And two cards to represent your relationship’s growth potential.” She looked down at the cards and nodded slowly. “Hm… Six of Swords and The World.”

A part of Yeonjun was so impatient that he wanted to tell her to get on with explanations, as they sat there. Minseo seemed like she didn’t know what to make of it.

“You two are about to go through a period of evolution,” Minseo said, and Yeonjun didn’t know how it was possible for the atmosphere to feel even quieter. “Death represents rebirth. Change for the better. The Six of Swords here is telling me that you two are going to find safe havens in each other, as this change occurs.” She looked down at The World. “And that you two will complete each other in ways you may not expect.”

Yeonjun couldn’t find it in himself to look at Soobin. “Wow,” he breathed.

“Very interesting,” Minseo said. She tapped her chin. “The World is typically regarded as the fulfillment of a life cycle, but it also represents finding completion in each other.” She picked up another card just off-center, and Yeonjun watched as her smile widened, turning it around so they could see. “Seems like I’m interpreting this right, huh? The Nine of Cups represents success and happiness. Fulfillment. Yep, you two are _very_ compatible.”

Her eyes twinkled with mischief in the candlelight as Yeonjun sputtered and Soobin laughed. “That makes sense,” Soobin admitted, and Yeonjun looked at him only to see Soobin staring right back.

His gaze was soft. It enveloped Yeonjun in something, then, and it would take him a while to realize that it was simply comfort. “He means a lot to me.”

The tarot reading isn’t the important part.

No, not that. Years later, and Yeonjun vividly remembers the cards, yes, but only because they were shocking in their accurate reflections of Yeonjun, and Soobin, and Yeonjun and Soobin. He hasn’t even gotten a tarot reading since. Maybe it’s because the fear of being read for filth like that again was too much, or something, but it doesn’t matter.

What matters is the way Soobin and Yeonjun walked home that night, discussing quietly how called out by Minseo they felt. What matters is how Soobin took Yeonjun’s hand in his own, and turned him to face each other, and right in the middle of the street, he said, “Hyung, you’re not a fake. You deserve to be here.”

What matters is how they stepped inside the dorm late at night to see the other members sleeping, and the first thing Yeonjun did was take Soobin by the strings of his sweater underneath his winter coat and pull him in, pressing their lips together.

He couldn’t explain it then, and he can’t explain it now. There were still months to their debut, and Yeonjun had to make it known that Soobin was someone he wasn’t ever going to let go of. Perhaps it’s something about the whole… _getting each other through struggles_ thing. He wouldn’t know, but the next morning, he looked up the Six of Swords and stared hard at its description.

 _While the water on the right of the boat is turbulent, the sea ahead is tranquil_.

A way to safety. Yeonjun knows now that this is what Soobin means to him. Safety. Comfort. And, embarrassingly enough, a second home.

_the world_

The celebrations die down after a few hours, because Soobin’s birthday is important, but they were still drained from hours of practice. Yeonjun takes it as his cue to slip into the room Soobin shares with Beomgyu. Beomgyu is nowhere to be found, although his post on Twitter probably means he’s coming home from the studio soon, anyway.

Soobin is scrolling through his phone with a smile on his face. He glances up at Yeonjun when he comes in and says, “There you are.”

The warmth in his voice comes so naturally that sometimes, Yeonjun wonders how on earth he manages to keep so much love bottled up inside him. “Looking at fan posts?” He asks, sitting down on the bed next to Soobin, who scoots over to make room.”

“Yep,” Soobin says. He turns his phone off and sets it off to the side, turning to tuck his head into Yeonjun’s neck.

“A new age, hm,” Yeonjun hummed, and Soobin giggled.

“It hasn’t settled in yet,” he admits. “It just feels like another day, you know? But with more love surrounding me.” He sighs. “You know, hyung, having an end-of-the-year birthday can make acknowledging a new year pretty difficult.”

“Yeah,” Yeonjun says. “I understand. Especially this year. It feels like—I dunno, like I’ve been leaning on simple things to get me through it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with using trivial things as motivation,” Soobin points out. “Moving through life, year by year… is hard. Sometimes it’s December 31st and you look back and wonder if you’ve even accomplished anything to be proud of.”

“Getting philosophical, huh,” Yeonjun says dryly. Perhaps a few years ago Soobin would’ve sat up and given him a long, searching look, attempting to figure him out. Now they know each other so well that Soobin doesn’t bother.

“And if I am?”

“Keep talking.”

Soobin snorts. “Yeah, okay. But… hm. I just think there’s something to be proud of in making it through a year. So much can happen. So much can go wrong. And yet… standing at the precipice of a new year is like defiance, you know? Here I am. I refuse to slow down for anything.”

“I like that,” Yeonjun says softly. “I like that mindset. You know what? I’ll try to think like you.”

“It’s the thinking that comes easy,” Soobin points out. “The _doing_ is difficult.” He pauses. “But it’s okay. I have you guys to walk me through it. I worry that I’m not enough… but I think I am. For you guys, and my family. And the fans, too.”

Yeonjun doesn’t know what to say. There aren’t words in his vocabulary to properly encapsulate his feelings. “I’m proud of you,” he says, and Soobin huffs out a laugh as he takes his hand in his own. 

“Proud of you too, hyung,” Soobin says. “Hey, do you remember that tarot reading we got?”

Yeonjun laughs. “Did you read my mind? I was just thinking about that.”

“Nice,” Soobin giggles. His voice is drowsy as he says, “I’m not sure if I want to get one again. Like, I’m not ready for it. But if it means you’ll kiss me like you did that night…”

“Oh, shut up,” Yeonjun snorts, and he pulls away so that he can tilt Soobin’s chin up. “You don’t need to do shit for a kiss from me.”

“Yeah, well,” Soobin says, and his gaze is soft. “Why don’t you kiss me, then?”

Maybe it isn’t completion, he thinks as he sucks Soobin’s bottom lip into his mouth. But it is certainly something close to it.

**Author's Note:**

> [six of swords](https://www.biddytarot.com/tarot-card-meanings/minor-arcana/suit-of-swords/six-of-swords/) in tarot
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/9thstellium)


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